Lost In A Sea Of Dreamers

6i:

i want you even on days you don’t want yourself.

(via depressouls-blog)

Anyone want pictures of my feet. I need that cash so bad 😭

I realize no one is going to read this but I need to say it. Women in this era have changed. We’ve started to speak up for ourselves and we’ve realized our worth. I never really dated growing up. I wasn’t the girl that lost her virginity and thought I was in love with the guy. I had sex with guys for my own pleasure and couldn’t careless if they didn’t call or text me the next day. I never really knew what it felt like to really be loved and cared for by someone in a romantic setting. I guess I never really cared. I was almost 20 when I met the first guy I fell madly in love with. It was the most amazing feeling. He treated me like a princess and would give me the world if he could. The honeymoon stage obviously didn’t last long and reality set in. We rushed everything because before reality hit it was perfect. We were going to last forever. But I wanted everything. I was like a little kid at Disneyland but that still wasn’t good enough. I expected so much from one person and I didn’t appreciate it but he cracked under that pressure and the physical and emotional abuse started to happen. I was emotionless and he couldn’t hold hide emotions in anymore. I hated myself for becoming a monster and creating a monster in him. So I ended it. I had to find myself. Someone I could be happy being. It took some time but I got there and I found this guy who is amazing and treates me so nicely and listens to me and everything is so honest and feels so right. But I feel my old self slipping in and acting a little crazy. She expects so much from another person and she pushes them to this limit that they can’t handle. When will I stop creating sad mean monsters who just want to be loved but I can’t fully love them because I’m a monster too? Why can’t I just love and be loved?